Original Poems/Art
by Dianne Shelnut Slater
Mercy
Perhaps Jason’s death
Was divine Mercy.
A love that responds to human need,
In unexpected ways.
What if God’s love is so omnipotent
He set him free?
Do I despair or go deeper?
Pausing ... to listen to the spirit of God within.
The Mercy of God
Opens and expands my conscious awareness.
Reminding me that love never dies;
As Jason is as close as my breath,
The very heartbeat of God.
He lives on, without bondage or suffering
In the heart-mind of all those who loved him.
As I seek a deeper intimacy with God,
I feel a warm glow deep in my soul.
His Grace and Mercy
Is like a lamp shining in a dark place.
Guiding me ever so gently toward
a path of love, peace and healing.
We both live on, my beautiful boy and I,
Only the bondage and suffering has died.
With God,
Only Love Remains.
Bearing Witness
How do I bear witness and hold space,
to my own unbearable suffering?
I show up for myself,
on purpose, with mindful compassion.
I show up for myself,
by remembering that others have a subconscious aversion to being with grief.
I show up for myself,
by not allowing my heart to follow the constraints and timeline of society.
I show up for myself,
by surrounding myself with loving compassionate energy.
I show up for myself,
by being forgiving on the days I am intolerant, impatient and angry.
I show up for myself,
by riding the emotional waves with love and courage.
I show up for myself,
by holding space for the days I feel numb.
I show up for myself,
by trusting my new normal will soften with time.
I show up for myself,
by choosing to have faith that my son is no longer suffering and is at peace.
I show up for myself,
by allowing myself to be vulnerable and authentic.
I show up for myself,
by giving my tears the freedom to flow.
I show up for myself,
by bearing witness for others suffering, honoring the nature of a broken heart.
I show up for myself,
by taking care of my body, mind and spirit.
I show up for myself,
by allowing grace and grief to walk with me hand in hand.
I show up for myself,
by resting in the Truth, that even in death, all Love remains.
I honor my son, Jason by showing up, and
by bearing witness to all of Life and by being.....Love.
Untethered
I awaken confused, unstable, and afraid.
Grief is my constant companion.
Vacillating between craving quiet and longing for connection.
In a world I no longer recognize.
Always searching, for an anchor to catch me...to hold me.
Simply floating in time and space.
Such profound anxiety frightens me,
Will I become unglued, undone or fall apart?
I attempt to navigate the outer world, of work and others,
My inner landscape untethered by grief.
How can I be myself, take off the mask,
In such a grief averse society?
I will continue to decorate my sacred alter,
With love and compassion as my true north.
My son Jason was so much more than his addiction.
He was my beautiful, beautiful boy.
He didn’t want to die, he simply didn’t know how to live.
This...is now my greatest burden to bear.
Love, not addiction wins.
The Free Fall of Grief
Losing my son, Jason
Feels like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute.
Unable to catch my breath from such unspeakable suffering.
The illusion of control has disappeared from sight,
Unable to recognize my new interior landscape.
Sorrow has taken root,
Relentless and deeply intimate.
Staying open to life,
Requires vulnerability, courage and gratitude.
Facing each new day,
With patience, loving compassion and resilience.
Learning to weave this divine thread,
Into the grief tapestry of my new Life.
As I stumble to seek shelter,
I hear whispers of Grace, and rest in the knowing all will be well.
Humility invites me to this holy revelation,
My safe place to fall is within reach.
The parachute of Love opens,
When we awaken to the awareness of our eternal presence.
The Love That Will Not Die
Four years
1,462 days
32,164,000 breaths
...an ocean of tears
Deep unrelenting anquish
An invisible heart injury
Shattered beyond repair
...a desire to vanish
Longing and aching
For your physical presence
With existential loneliness
...literally breathtaking
Holding my breath
In resistance to the truth
Love now grief
...keeping you alive in your death
Early each dawn
I search for meaning
And purpose
...to live again with you gone
Leaning into something greater than me
I am the ocean
Not only the waves
...for all eternity
A timeless presence
Beyond this living
And dying world
...making a difference
The love for a child
Is a love
That will not die
...honoring you, I smile
Love, not addiction wins
7-1-2023
Grieving with Grace
Losing my son Jason to addiction,
has allowed my heart to break open.
The pain I feel is often unbearable,
without embracing the mystery of the divine.
Vacillating between the hope of recovery and the fear of death,
remembering now my Love for Jason is eternal.
Addiction does not win,
mercy shows itself, beyond our limited understanding.
The duration and depth of my mourning,
is not necessarily proportional to the depth of my Love.
My Love for Jason feels relief,
his suffering has ended and he is at peace.
The bondage of self, the chain of addiction,
has been transformed into the all of Being.
Divine grace unfolds,
as I allow my open heart to expand.
Moving ever so slowly from misery to inner peace,
knowing that what is not transformed is transferred.
Suffering expands our compassion,
dropping me down into the very breath of God.
As I lean into and not away from this pain,
I experience revelation in slow motion.
Life is reshaping my “new normal,”
presence, meaning, Love and connection are my lifeline.
I align with heart, mind, body...and infinite spirit.
This Holy Mess of Grief
​
Brings me to my knees.
I pray there,
Desperate for a reprieve from my suffering.
Grieving is a holy place,
Feeling the cleansing tears flow from within.
Allowing the pain to transcend,
I hold sacred space for the gift of being Jasons’s mom.
Coping with the loss of my son,
requires a deeper Faith in the mystery of Life.
An awareness he is only gone in physical form,
His innate essence is within me, our hearts beat as one.
Moving forward and walking with Grief,
Is...Love in action.
Honoring my beautiful son’s memory,
Is showing up, and connecting with God, self and others.
Allowing Love, not fear to steer the way,
Reveals Life’s abundant beauty and blessings
When Love is the answer,
My spirit soars above human, limited understanding.
The Holy mess of Grief,
Is the price we pay for having the courage to Love.
To Live is to Love,
And to Love is to Grieve.
